Be Aware of Your Surroundings (and camera flashes)

Being a senior, I have made my fair share of poor life decisions when I am downtown and enjoying a high level of inebriation. I have also witnessed a cornucopia (picture The Hunger Games) of sloppiness and situations that make you just want to say "Oh, honey" before you snap a quick picture so you can show all of your friends tomorrow. Now I know that when we have a little too much liquid courage we tend to lower (or give up on completely) our inhibitions. This may lead to the following: drunkenly making out with that guy that kind of looks like Gerard Butler; dancing so passionately that somehow your dress hikes up to your belly button; deciding to take off your stilettos and going barefoot in a bar because not enough tequila shots in the world can numb that excruciating pain.

Now I am not saying be Sober Sally to avoid any and all embarrassment downtown because unless you have the patience of this dog, being the only sober person surrounded by what seems like every drunk person in the world can be maddening enough to turn even Miss Honey into Ms. Trunchbull (if you don't understand that reference just go away). Sobriety is not the only answer. Moderation, loyal friends, and peripheral vision is the best solution.

So, have you and some cutie been shamelessly flirting at the bar and somehow find yourself leaning closer and closer until your lips are only inches apart? (sigh, what lovely rum-soaked romance) By all means, go for it (as long as you are both unattached, consenting adults), but don't be a spectacle. Because if you are, odds are you will end up on the UGA Makeouts Twitter. For all of you pre-med, pre-law, pre-need-to-find-a-job-someday folks out there, pictures of you in various states of debauchery on the internet is not good. If you really can't control the stirring in your loins long enough to get a cab home, find a dark corner and be as inconspicuous as possible. Straddling someone in Whiskey Bent while people dance around you to "Wagon Wheel" is not inconspicuous. People will take pictures. Hopefully, it will be your friends (like mine who love me enough not to do anything they would regret with certain pictures), but most of the time it's not.

Think as long as you are not playing tonsil hockey your drunken antics are uninteresting to everyone around you? Think again. If any part of your body that is typically covered by undergarments somehow escapes your prison of clothing without your drunk self realizing it prepare to find yourself on Tap That UGA Drunk Student. Once again, proof of debauchery online is bad. I know it is hard to keep all aspects of your being under control when you have had one too many kamikazes, but get it together Carol! (once again just go away if you don't get it) If you feel a breeze where there is normally no draft, check yourself for exposed parts. This is where loyal friends come in handy. Stuff happens, so make sure you have friends that will tell you when you have junk in your teeth and when your other junk is making an unwelcomed appearance.

Lastly, wear shoes you won't drunkenly take off. I have to include this because I personally have made the poor life decision to go barefoot in Bourbon. I woke up the next morning to feet that were covered in bar tar and blood. Have you seen the floors at Bourbon? Disgusting. If you haven't thought about the components of bar tar before, don't start now. The blood was from a broken beer bottle I stepped on, pieces of which were still lodged in my aching feet. If I hadn't been up-to-date on all of my shots you can bet I would have been visiting the health center. Making good decisions for your feet and overall well-being does not have much to do with avoiding ending up an internet sensation, but it falls under the category of being aware of your surroundings. I learned my lesson and have not worn heels downtown since except for the occasional semi-formal when my friends won't be seen with me if I wear boots.

To summarize, avoid the cornucopia of sloppiness, keep your friends close and your eyes open, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Sidenote: The only person that can get away with inappropriate acts showing up on the internet is Jennifer Lawrence. (if you don't like Jennifer Lawrence then seriously, just leave) Here's some proof.

Finish the Drill (Midterm)

Once upon a time, a week before Spring Break, I was studying for a midterm in the basement of my sorority house. I was sprawled out on my stomach surrounded by flashcards and stacks of books when something shocking happened--my phone rang. Now if you are like me, the only person that ever calls me is my mom, so when it was a guy I liked (shall we call him Mr. Darcy?) calling me I was slightly confused. Darcy was calling just to talk (it’s a Midterms miracle!) so for the next hour or so I shoved my note cards aside and happily chatted with Darcy while my friends looked on with a mixture of awe and disgust.

Now I am all for the “I’ll get it done eventually” mentality, but when I finally hung up with Darcy it was midnight and I was exhausted, happily in like, and thinking about my Spring Break plans. My midterm was at 10:00 a.m. the next day, so I figured I would just get up early and finish studying. So the next day I continued my studying and passed my midterm with flying colors, right? Wrong.

I did not study enough. That was apparent within the first 30 seconds of starting the midterm. I did not know the answer to a vast majority of the questions. English majors are notorious BS-ers, but I could not even force my brain to make things up. I have never experienced this in my life. Is this what Joey Tribbiani feels like all the time? I panicked, fought the tears, and walked to the front of the room. My TA was speechless when I gave her a blank midterm and said “I can’t do this” and walked out of the room. The professor, who I had never spoken to before, saw what happened and followed me into the hall. She sat me down and asked what was wrong. The sleep deprivation took over and I squeaked out a few nonsensical excuses before my professor convinced me to go back inside and do what I could with the midterm. And I did just that.

I ended up getting a C in the class and I am still very bitter about the only C I’ve ever received, but there is no way I would have ever passed the class if I hadn't sucked it up and finished that midterm.

So what’s the lesson? Get enough sleep. Don’t prioritize talking on the phone with boys. Ever. Darcy turned out to be a loser (a total Mr. Wickham, ugh). Don’t panic. Write down something. Anything. And finally, a C is not the end of the world and eventually you will laugh about that time you tried to turn in a blank midterm. By the way, that very same professor teaches one of my classes this semester. She has no idea who I am. There are 8 people in the class. So don't fret.

And if my story isn't inspirational enough, here is the coolest kid ever with a pep talk for you.

"Excuse me, where is the SLC?"

For my first post I'll be addressing something that most freshmen (primarily girls) struggle with during the first week of classes: trying not to look like freshmen. Let me paint you a picture. It is the first day of class in August and as you walk through campus you begin hearing snickers of laughter followed by a muttered “freshman.” You panic. “How did they know?!” Just ask yourself the following questions:

Am I lost in the labyrinth of the Journalism building?

Do yourself a favor and download the University of Georgia Undergraduate Admissions app on your iPhone right now. It has a campus tour and map feature so you can find your next class while pretending to text something of dire importance. If you are like freshman me with my Lg EnV and don’t have a fancy smart phone then grab a friend the day before classes start and go explore campus and find all of your classes. Then on the first day of class you can walk by the other freshmen with their maps and laugh as if you have never been unfamiliar with your surroundings before.

Am I wearing real clothes?

If you look like you put any effort into your outfit you are probably a freshman. Invest in some snazzy workout clothes that will never see the inside of Ramsey and don’t wear high heeled shoes. Not only will it give you away, but the UGA campus is treacherously hilly, so unless you have calves carved from pure gold save the strappy wedges for your downtown escapades. Also, get excited about all of the new t-shirts you/your parents will be buying (especially you, sorority girls). It’s only socially acceptable to wear t-shirts as much as college students do for four years, so enjoy it while you can. At the end of those four years you will probably have enough t-shirts to make a quilt or two, so you have that to look forward to.

Are you being a bag lady?

Don’t carry a purse AND a backpack. It’s unnecessary and when you smack six people in the face trying to get to a seat in the middle of a row in your Intro to Sociology class they will know you are a freshman and will probably immediately dislike you. Consolidate your crap into one bag. If you have friends that refuse then kindly bully them until they surrender one of their many bags. They will thank you eventually.

Am I on the Family Housing bus?

I haven’t taken a bus since freshman year for good reason. I get lost easily and the buses are confusing. The only real advice I have is don’t get on Family Housing and plant your feet firmly when the bus is in motion. If you are determined to avoid any and all physical exertion by catching a ride to all your classes then check is the UGA Bus Routes and Schedule Website . Prepare to be shoved between a few sweaty randos.

Am I acting my age?

Don’t get too caught up in trying not to look like a freshman. The majority of people at UGA aren’t total jerks, so don’t be afraid to ask for directions, or where a bus goes, or what the difference between the SLC and the MLC is (answer: nothing). Embrace being a freshman because you probably aren’t fooling anyone anyway!